Thursday, February 12, 2009


A man stands at the edge of town.
I don't know him.
I've never met him, and never will.
But they say that a butterfly flapping it's wings on one side of the world causes a hurricane on the others,
then surely his presence has affected me.
Changed my life.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Dear Kids at the Pool.

Dear Kids at the Pool,
Firstly, you are not allowed to run around the pool. Please stop running, but more importantly, stop staring at me surprised when I tell you not to. It's the rules, it's on the signs. And it's not just a rule at this pool, it's the rules at every pool ever! You have NEVER been allowed to run around the pool!

Secondly, no you are not allowed to do back flips. If I said no to you doing them yesterday*, why would I say yes today? Has the edge of the pool stopped being hard and neck breaking? Have you stopped needing you head to be in one piece? Do the other kids today like being jumped on? Am I no longer responsible for the safety of you and them? And no, the other lifeguard didn't say you could!

And finally, I know this is a small, but you kids at the canteen are idiots! You can not get 50 cents worth of 20 cent lollies, and you can not get $1 worth of 15 cent lollies! It doesn't go. And if you are going to get lots of lollies and use up all of your money, do it all at once, don't stand there and get them 20 cents at a time!

That is all,
Annoyed Lifeguard.

*And the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and every other day we have been open!